Okay, before we get this ball rolling, a few disclaimers and explanations:
1. This idea came to me last Sunday night when I was talking to a friend who just began a dating relationship. She was telling me about the first date and was so excited and blown away by the fact that her new boyfriend prayed over their meal, without any hesitation. So... the thought occurred to me that maybe guys should know how much things like this mean to girls.
2. This is NOT by any means a prescription for guys to "get" Christian girls. Nor is it girls preaching at guys. This post is an encouragement for Christian guys to continue doing what they are already doing. This is not a sermon, but simply a "thank you." All of these scenarios and ideas are things that we've already seen and been affected by our brothers in Christ doing. This is not what a group of Christian girls said that they "wished Christian guys did" but this is what a group of Christian girls appriciates about what they've already seen Christ-honoring guys do.
3. This is NOT only about dating/romantic relationships. Brothers and Sisters in Christ come in contact with each other every day and whether they are dating, or not, brothers in Christ still have an impact on their fellow sisters. Example: My pastor, my father, and my biological brothers all impact my life as brothers in Christ but there is definitely no dating/romantic relationship occurring with any of these men.
What girls really think of Christ-honoring guys:
After picking several high school girl's brains, as well as my own 20-year old one, we came up with many things we appreciated about our brothers in Christ. Below are four of the main, overarching things we admire and examples to follow.
1. Leadership-Perhaps leadership is one of the top qualities admired in our fellow brothers. Inside of the dating realm girls so appreciate guys stepping up, and taking initiative in deciding what a relationship is. Example: Jim and Jill have been best friends for about 6 months, one or both of them would like the relationship to advance to a dating relationship. Jim decides to step up and define their relationship. This simplifies things, and in many cases keeps one or both parties from being hurt, especially if Jim clarifies what their relationship is by saying "we are just friends, you are like my sister, etc." A temporary feeling of disappointment is so much more bearable than months spent playing the guessing game on a "maybe potential dating relationship." Other areas that leadership is crucial is in our spiritual lives. Example: praying and reading the Bible together (take note that this should be in addition to what you already do alone with just you and God). Another area of leadership that girls appreciate is in the physical realm. Example: One way we have seen guys do this is by stepping up and initiating a conversation about physical boundaries. Thanks guys for the way you step up. It does not go unnoticed! Leadership is also recognized within in the body of Christ. Example: how awesome is it for a guy to lead a group of 3rd grade boys every Wednesday night in Bible study? Sometimes leadership also means taking a stand. It is huge when guys stand up for what’s right. Example: a group of people are having fun joking on someone, so the guy steps up and puts an end to it. One girl said, "it is just comforting to know that you are safe hanging out and fellowshipping with Christian guys who honor God with their actions and words. You know that you won’t get hit on, there’s no pressure, and crude jokes won’t be made. It’s just exciting to be able to have such a fun time getting to know people in mixed gender company because of the way Christian guys live their lives." Thanks guys!
2. Prayer- Prayer is another huge facet of any Christian's walk but it is especially powerful when guys pray to God on their own, with you, and for you. It says a lot when guys are totally open about their prayer life, instead of just brushing it under the rug. One girl talked about guys praying with/for her, Example: “It really encourages me to know that he’s talking to God about me, for me, and (when the occasion comes) with me. It makes me really trust him and respect him (her boyfriend) because I know that he’s living in intimacy with God and that God’s guiding him.” From my own personal experience, I can also say that prayer is huge. Example: It means so much when Jonathan’s like, “I was praying the other day and…” It also means a lot when he leads us in prayer at the end of a phone conversation , during a meal, after reading the Bible together, or before/after making a decision. A final example that I so appreciate is when one of us is having a rough day and he leads us in prayer.
3. Sincerity/Genuineness- There is just something so special about a real, down to earth person. Guy or girl. One thing girls said they appreciated in guys was a sincere heart. One girl gave an example: "Even if we're at youth group and a guy volunteers to pray and you can tell that he's nervous and maybe doesn't pray in public often, it just means so much that he's taken the initiative to pray for the group. I'd definitely rather that, than a guy to pray who just does it to look all holy." It means a lot when guys are just real and straight up with you about their lives. Thanks guys for being real. Under this umbrella of sincerity and genuiness I’ll put the issue of respect. It speaks volumes when a guy respects you and your family. A HUGE warning sign in any relationship or friendship is if a guy, or even a girl that’s a friend disrespects your parents. RUN. Haha. Seriously though, that’s bad news. Example: One way this is seen in the family realm is just by the way a boyfriend or just a guy friend treats your parents and your siblings, especially if they’re younger. Does he try to do things behind your parents back? Or does he greet your parents and have conversation with them. Does he roll his eyes at your younger sibling? Or say, sure we can look at your cool toy for a few minutes. Does he have patience, or complain? (What will also affect if a guy respects your family, is if YOU (as the girl) respect your own family.) Another example in a dating relationship of respect with one’s family is if the guy asks your Dad/parent for permission to date you. Sure this has lots of awkwardness potential, but it will give the guy about 4289340zillion respect points, and get his relationship with the girl’s parents off to an incredible start. I’ve seen this first hand and wouldn’t have it any other way (Thanks, fiancé!). An example of a guy respecting you: Jonathan and I were hanging out for one of the first times as boyfriend and girlfriend and we ate dinner with his parents and then watched a movie. About half way through the movie, Jonathan raised his arm up and put it around me, and as soon as his arm hit my shoulder, he turned to me and said, “Is that okay?” Words cannot even describe how much this meant to me, still to this day, and how much that displayed his respect for me.
4. Discipleship- It is so exciting and encouraging for girls to see and hear about discipleship happening within a group of guys. Example: Whether it’s through one guy discipling many, meeting with a guy for accountability on a regular basis, or seeing the benefit of a younger guy who looks up to an older godly guy as a role model. This just warms our hearts. It’s great to know that guys are putting God and their relationship with Him first!
*** Special Thanks to: Tara Lemmon, Carrie Lemmon, Laura McCarter, Danielle Lambert, Nichole Morris, and Anna Romano. Thanks for letting me pick your brains and for sharing your hearts. Monday nights with you all are one of my favorite parts of the week. You teach me more than you know. So Proud of you girls!***
**also thanks to J.Braun for being such an example of a Christ-honoring man in my life and to so many others. You SHINE so bright in exhibiting all of these qualities. Thanks for letting God use you! and thanks for letting me bounce ideas about this off of you. Thanks Mom for being the very first to hear this idea and encouraging it. You are a model of a Christ-honoring woman.**
Excellent post. What an excellent source of reference for any female young or old to follow. I'm seeking that exact type of godly man. Now if you could just write a post on where they can be found. HAHA. So blessed to know you.
ReplyDeleteok quick story: When my dad was in highschool, he was friends with this girl and asked her if she wanted to go out with him (not necissarily on a date. Maybe a baseball game...). She said she would love to except that he would have to have a little conversation with her dad first... this is the reason she had never gone out with a guy before (no guy was willing to do that). But my dad did not want to let an awkward conversation get in the way of a fun night at the baseball game. So he bravely visited this girl's dad, passed her dad's "test", and took the girl to a baseball game. He also made sure to bring her back on time. My dad said it was a good feeling to know he was the "brave guy" out of all the guys that asked the girl out.
ReplyDeleteI find this a very inspiring story as well as Britanny's beautiful relationship with Jonathan. Thank you Brittany for making this blog. I have enjoyed reading it!